Death Creeped Upon Me Then.

The next morning Ralph and I try to light the fire without my glasses. It’s a hopeless attempt. I encourage Ralph to call and assembly and decide what to do, and as I thought, the remaining boys decide to confront Jack and his tribe and demand for my glasses because what’s right’s right.

When we get to Castle Rock, we meet with armed guards––ready to attack at any moment. Since Ralph took the conch, he blows it, hoping that this might bring some sense into the lost group of English schoolboys––but it's in vane: they’re no longer the boys I met the first day at the assembly. There’s not a trace of what they used to be: humans.

When Jack emerges from the forest with a group of hunters, immediately, Ralph and Jack face off. As if to enrage Ralph even more––Jack, the chief––tells his tribe to tie Samneric together. I’m not surprised it worked so easily, they quickly engage in a wrestle while I try to stop it, but they can barely hear me over the savage brawl. I have the conch in my hands and I speak the truth. I ask them directly what they would prefer, to have laws and agree or to hunt and kill? I find it rather incredible then, in that moment, when everything that has been taught to you while growing up, that has made you who you are is gone––and even in this desperate attempt to bring it back, it doesn’t come back. The conch shakes in my hand and I can’t see anything, I’m scared as I hear Ralph’s shriek and then…. Nothing. Black.

The lord of the flies has won; now I’m gone, but I hope that Ralph makes it out ok, I have faith. 

Stolen Specs!

    We didn’t take part in the murder. Last night, they were acting––no, they were––savages. But, I wasn’t there and neither was Ralph. He is clutching the conch, and with a cynical laughter he confesses he was part of a murder. But no, we weren’t. We were outside the circle, and it was all just an accident, it wasn’t our fault.

I ask Samneric about it, they are ashamed and wary, at least they seem to be, but they say that they left early.

I never want to give up on civilization. It’s the only way out––we cannot become savages, we must keep our heads clear of such thoughts and focus, just focus.

            Jack’s tribe attacked us at night. They beat Ralph badly and he doesn’t understand why––both of us would’ve agreed to let him take fire––but I know the reasoning behind his actions. He wanted more than the fire––he wanted the power to make fire and leave us without it. That’s why he stole my glasses. What has become of us? 

Simon's Dead

Jack's feast started that night. The thought of meat––real food––down my throat was inevitable, tempting, delicious. I couldn’t help it and neither could Ralph, we had to go to the feast. 

The rest of the tribe was already there when we got there. It was shocking––a horrific sight––Jack being treated as a chief, the king, nothing more than a filthy, power-hungry, dictator. He has boys at his feet feeding him; what has become of civilization and democracy? Is what I recall asking myself in that moment; the moment when I fell utterly powerless and without a voice in this new government. What's the use of having smart ideas and intelligence when you'll never be heard; what's the use of thinking outside the box when in the end you'll do what the chief says; what's the use in being human, different, unique, when conformity is the only way Jack allows us to live?

When he is confronted with the real question: what is he going to do when it rains if he has no shelters? He avoids it––avidly––starting a chant: a wild savage dance. 

I’m afraid of it though, the wild, strange bodies dancing and chanting in a group where everyone does the same thing––quickly, I get consumed, consumed in an endless circle of anarchy and recklessness, a circle that I realized once I'm in it, it keeps getting harder and harder to break away from. I didn't even notice when the body came in the middle of the circle when i realize its dead. The body––helpless, lifeless, and human. It's a mix of emotions that evoke inside of me then: afraid, shame, and guilty. Simon is dead and I don’t know––for the first time––how it happened. I keep telling Ralph that we weren’t there. We were outside the circle, outside the dance. We are not savages––we aren’t––but I’m not so sure anymore. I’m not sure about anything anymore. 

Division of Tribes

Ralph came back with news. He saw the beast too. I don’t want to believe him, even though he seems to be sure about what he is saying.  

Jack took the conch and attempted to blow it––failing––but calling an assembly anyways. At the assembly it was the same thing, all the boys were talking about the beast with this fear that they’d all seen it… I feel completely baffled. Then, Jack assured the boys that there was definitely a beast in the mountain and that Ralph was a coward and should be removed from his leadership role. Meanwhile, I’m indignant. Who does he think he is? I am more confident when the boys refuse to vote Ralph out of power. Jack, embarrassed by his fail attempt to overthrow Ralph out of power and take control of the island, storms away from the assembly, calling his independence––which I think is great––even though he invites everyone to join his tribe to have “fun and hunt.”

After Jack left the group, I realize, a weight has been taken off my shoulders––I can think clearer––but Ralph seems to be in a very different mood than mine: he is sad, almost depressed. I try to cheer him up by telling him we could light a fire down here, where we are, at the beach and that seems to make him feel a little better.

Unfortunately, as we gather wood for the new fire––the new hope––some of the biguns left to the forest: leaving our tribe and joining Jack’s. I try to comfort Ralph for the rest of the day, telling him that we don’t need those traitors.

And everyone (except for Simon) is STILL gone

          Everyone except for Simon is gone off still. I’m worried and it’s almost dark. Even when Simon came back, alone, and told me not to worry for them, I do. He only told me that they’d be gone past dark, which makes no sense to me if they’re so scared of a “beast.” Could something have happened to them? I hope everyone’s all right. The littluns are asleep, almost all of them. Knowing Jack I’m afraid he might’ve wanted to go off hunting, and dragged Ralph into it. I just hope nobody’s hurt because they are my family. Even jack who I think hates me, even him I consider my family. I hope they’re on their way back.

Everyone's gone..

     Today has been a boring day. Mostly, because I’ve been looking after the littluns all day. At dawn  Ralph called an assembly and informed everyone that Samneric had seen the beast. To be honest I think this is pure bullcrap. It might have been something else. I ask them repeatedly if they are 100% sure they saw the beast. To me they seem pretty scared to think straight right now and since last night’s talk they also might’ve been terrified of a beast. The only thing I know is that this isn’t doing any good to the tribe, if there really isn’t any beast then this is just affecting everyone––increasing their fear.

     Jack seemed arrogant too––after the meeting. All of the boys, but me, left to explore the last, untouched, part of the island. I hope everything is going well between Jack and Ralph since tension has been arising because of the strong differences between views, and also the undercurrent of power division. It’s getting dark and I’m getting worried…

There isn't a beast––but there's fear.

     Today we had one of the most inspiring and honest assemblies we’ve ever had. Ralph took the bull by the horns and spoke with clarity and without fear. He spoke about the agreements of maintaining fresh water supplies, observe sanitation measures, building shelters, and keep the fire going. Then, he did something I would’ve never expected––He opened the topic of the growing fear in the island. I hadn’t thought about it since I don’t believe in any beast––Life is scientific.

What Simon thinks the beast is

     This discussion really intrigued me. Starting with the peculiar boy Percival: he was trying to say his name but he had forgotten it––I would’ve been scared too. Jack then, started by saying that there’s no beast because if there were he would’ve seen it in his hunting trips. Then, I intervened–– fear is psychological, I know there isn’t a physical beast but I know there isn’t any fear either. Unless well… Unless we start fearing eachother. I don’t think they understood what I was trying to say though.

    Then something interesting happened. Simon spoke, he said that maybe the beast was only us. I don’t know if I agree with him, after all, life is scientific. But, I guess I can see his point being that in a “spiritual” way maybe the beast could be us. Now, I’m certain nobody there understood him

     After that, all sorts of bizarre theories started popping up, beasts that come from the sea and bests in form of ghosts. All too crazy for me to consider. There is no physical beast for the last time: there’s only fear.

     The assembly broke up into chaos after that. What’s the grownups going to say?